Yesterday afternoon I started to go crazy and wondering if everything was going okay in utero. The wait to see the baby is so difficult. I called Tonna and asked for another beta just to make me feel better. She understood and said it was fine for me to come in for another blood test the next day.
Ellie called at about 12:30 and said it looked great--10,514. She also asked why I came in--she had no notes of spotting or pain or anything. I told her I was just being paranoid. She told me everything would be fine and she would says prayers for us. So glad that I go to a clinic with such great people.
5w5d
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Vivid Dreams
Really, the bad dreams need to stop. I would also like to sleep through the night. I'll live with the sleeping if only the dreams would be happy dreams instead.
Last night (this morning) I dreamed I was on a plane with some bratty kids and I was the one watching them for their parents. My high school friends Guy & Erika were also there. At the end of the flight it was like we had all just taken a vacation and had to pack up to leave. I couldn't get everything in my bags and had to leave behind my good China. Yes, all my dishes were somehow on the plane. I think we were in Vegas and I just kept wandering around looking for something, but I don't know what. I ran into my family (Dad) and then met up with the rest of the family. Turns out my sister-in-law wanted to take a pregnancy test in front of the whole family to see if she was pregnant. I started to flip out on the inside thinking her and my brother were nuts to tell the family that way. When the test came up positive, I was really upset. I had wanted to tell my family first, but felt she ruined it for me. I didn't want to tell the family then because I didn't want to spoil her news. Somehow I got really upset and started yelling at my brother for not talking to me about them trying and her being pregnant, etc. I proceeded to tell them all I was pregnant, too. My mom started to cry because she wants grandkids and was finally getting some. That is about the point where I woke up and was pretty upset about the dream.
I'm worried about telling people because I don't want bad vibes from people. I don't want them to worry too much (like my mom or Chris at work) and I don't want them to wish ill will on us (like I feel Xue would because I know she was mad I got married first and probably wanted kids first). I also really want to tell people because I want support. I feel like it is a catch-22 and I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Maybe I should just wait until the baby is here and keep telling people I am just getting fat. Okay, so maybe that won't work.
5w3d
Last night (this morning) I dreamed I was on a plane with some bratty kids and I was the one watching them for their parents. My high school friends Guy & Erika were also there. At the end of the flight it was like we had all just taken a vacation and had to pack up to leave. I couldn't get everything in my bags and had to leave behind my good China. Yes, all my dishes were somehow on the plane. I think we were in Vegas and I just kept wandering around looking for something, but I don't know what. I ran into my family (Dad) and then met up with the rest of the family. Turns out my sister-in-law wanted to take a pregnancy test in front of the whole family to see if she was pregnant. I started to flip out on the inside thinking her and my brother were nuts to tell the family that way. When the test came up positive, I was really upset. I had wanted to tell my family first, but felt she ruined it for me. I didn't want to tell the family then because I didn't want to spoil her news. Somehow I got really upset and started yelling at my brother for not talking to me about them trying and her being pregnant, etc. I proceeded to tell them all I was pregnant, too. My mom started to cry because she wants grandkids and was finally getting some. That is about the point where I woke up and was pretty upset about the dream.
I'm worried about telling people because I don't want bad vibes from people. I don't want them to worry too much (like my mom or Chris at work) and I don't want them to wish ill will on us (like I feel Xue would because I know she was mad I got married first and probably wanted kids first). I also really want to tell people because I want support. I feel like it is a catch-22 and I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Maybe I should just wait until the baby is here and keep telling people I am just getting fat. Okay, so maybe that won't work.
5w3d
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Flu Shot
Today I got my flu shot. My first one EVER! I would not have gotten it if I were not pregnant, so I count this as my first good deed for the baby. It was actually strange for me to tell the nurse that I am pregnant. I realized that it just doesn't feel real. I feel like I am just saying it. I'm hoping that after the ultrasound next week things will feel more real. I won't just be "pretending" to be pregnant!
5w2d
5w2d
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Second Beta
After having bad dreams last night about today's beta coming back lower than Monday's, everything worked out just fine. Tonna called at 11:20am to tell me my numbers increased to 363. Perfect doubling time! I was so happy. Tonna said that Dr. Nelson was very happy with the numbers, too.
My first ultrasound is all set up for the 26th, so hopefully we will see one healthy baby with a good heartbeat.
I decided that I would go ahead and make a prenatal appointment with Dr. Wong just to be prepared instead of waiting until after the ultrasound. I'm glad that I did because her first available appointment is set for November 18th. I'll be almost 10 weeks, which is the same time that I went with the twins and I called 2 weeks later. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to go until 12 or 13 weeks if I waited. I want to have plenty of time to get a referral to the peri to schedule a cerclage. Once the cerclage is in I will feel so much more comfortable.
So, everything is looking positive so far. I'm happy and finally beginning to let it sink in that I am pregnant again!
4w2d
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Sinking in?
Now that we have a positive beta with awesome numbers, I am accepting that I am pregnant. I wish that I could run around and tell everyone, but I'm just not ready for that. What if something happens? I have another beta tomorrow and I am hoping for more good news. I just keep having all these fears of something bad happening each step of the way. How do I stop feeling so down about everything?
Yesterday Matt and I were talking about when to tell people. I have no idea. Some people tell before they are even 4 weeks along! No doctor's confirmation, no ultrasound, and they are comfortable telling people. That so isn't me. I think I at least need to see the baby before I feel comfortable telling people.
Yesterday my belly felt so full I thought it would explode. I'm not sure what is going on, but it is making me nervous. I woke up in the middle of the night and stretched only to feel it really pull in my abdomen. I wonder if it is normal? I'll probably ask the doctor about it tomorrow after the second beta. Maybe I am just a little "backed up" and gassy. Who knows? I am just going to keep drinking lots of fluid.
6:00pm
So, today went well. I think I was just a little constipated. Nothing a stool softener couldn't fix. I'm still bloated and tired, but my belly is quite a bit better.
I also broke down and told 2 people today. One was Susan. She is in Sacramento and a good friend, so I know that I can rely on her to keep the secret and also be a good sounding board. She is also a good pray-er, so that makes me feel good, too. :)
The other person I told is Dolores, my co-worker. She started talking about why I was puking at work and blaming it on the building and everything. I then couldn't keep it back from her. She started crying because she is so happy for us. I'm glad I have someone understanding at work who knows. :)
Now I just want to sleep for a while and not eat much of anything. I have very little appetite.
Tomorrow is beta #2, so we will see how well this is progressing. I will feel much better when I know the numbers are doubling like they should be.
4w1d
Yesterday Matt and I were talking about when to tell people. I have no idea. Some people tell before they are even 4 weeks along! No doctor's confirmation, no ultrasound, and they are comfortable telling people. That so isn't me. I think I at least need to see the baby before I feel comfortable telling people.
Yesterday my belly felt so full I thought it would explode. I'm not sure what is going on, but it is making me nervous. I woke up in the middle of the night and stretched only to feel it really pull in my abdomen. I wonder if it is normal? I'll probably ask the doctor about it tomorrow after the second beta. Maybe I am just a little "backed up" and gassy. Who knows? I am just going to keep drinking lots of fluid.
6:00pm
So, today went well. I think I was just a little constipated. Nothing a stool softener couldn't fix. I'm still bloated and tired, but my belly is quite a bit better.
I also broke down and told 2 people today. One was Susan. She is in Sacramento and a good friend, so I know that I can rely on her to keep the secret and also be a good sounding board. She is also a good pray-er, so that makes me feel good, too. :)
The other person I told is Dolores, my co-worker. She started talking about why I was puking at work and blaming it on the building and everything. I then couldn't keep it back from her. She started crying because she is so happy for us. I'm glad I have someone understanding at work who knows. :)
Now I just want to sleep for a while and not eat much of anything. I have very little appetite.
Tomorrow is beta #2, so we will see how well this is progressing. I will feel much better when I know the numbers are doubling like they should be.
4w1d
Monday, October 11, 2010
First Beta
I took another pregnancy test this morning just to see two lines instead of just the words. I can save this test and keep looking at it for a while to remind me that I really am pregnant. I love to see it!
My test results came back at 163! What a great number! Tonna was so happy for us. I'm sure that most of the people in the FPNC office are happy for us. :)
Friday, October 8, 2010
Positive!!!
It has been a week since the transfer, so I figured it is time to take a pregnancy test. I can get prepared for the beta results next Monday.
I woke up early, as usual, went to the bathroom and did what I needed to do. It was one of those digital tests, so it has a little symbol telling you it is thinking. I washed my hands and picked it up to take it into the bedroom to wait with Matt. As I opened the bedroom door, "Pregnant" popped up on the display screen. All I could say to Matt was, "It says Pregnant!" I ran over to show him and gave him a big hug!
Since I have to write a review on the pregnancy tests (I received them free through the Amazon Vine program, so I need to review them), I decided to check out how many other people had written reviews. Much to my chagrin, the spotlight review was how these tests have false positives! Crap. So, I did a little more searching on the web and found this to be a problem for these tests. I'm not sure if it is for the older ones (they used to make you insert each stick into the cartridge and remove it when done, but now they are all one piece) or the newer ones.
It does seem that I am having quite a bit of morning sickness, though. I've had a migraine for 2 days and can't seem to keep anything down. How fun is that? I've become well acquainted with the toilet...again.
I'm praying that this one is real and that in 8 months we will have a baby in our home.
Since I have to write a review on the pregnancy tests (I received them free through the Amazon Vine program, so I need to review them), I decided to check out how many other people had written reviews. Much to my chagrin, the spotlight review was how these tests have false positives! Crap. So, I did a little more searching on the web and found this to be a problem for these tests. I'm not sure if it is for the older ones (they used to make you insert each stick into the cartridge and remove it when done, but now they are all one piece) or the newer ones.
It does seem that I am having quite a bit of morning sickness, though. I've had a migraine for 2 days and can't seem to keep anything down. How fun is that? I've become well acquainted with the toilet...again.
I'm praying that this one is real and that in 8 months we will have a baby in our home.
Friday morning...Pregnant. Saturday morning...Pregnant. Sunday morning...Pregnant. Love seeing those words on the tests! Guess I didn't get any false positives! These tests are getting a very good review. :)
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